CSO LtCmdr Raqiin sh'Hruvek

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Re: CSO Lt Raqiin sh'Hruvek

Postby Einar S » Wed Oct 19, 2016 9:46 am

hahaha that was a great story, and I particularly loved the end
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Re: CSO Lt Raqiin sh'Hruvek

Postby Aoibhe Ni » Thu Oct 20, 2016 10:41 am

That was really well written, S.
And I too, loved the ending. :)

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Re: CSO Lt Raqiin sh'Hruvek

Postby Shawna F » Sun Oct 30, 2016 7:27 pm

Stardate 11610.20

"Commander Adalberto."

She paused. Frowned. "Computer, delete. Start again."

Ready.

"Anthony Adalberto--ugh, computer, delete, start again."

Ready.

"Tony."

There. That sounded just right. She swung a foot lightly over the edge of her bed, the other tucked under. Here her fingers could fiddle with her loose hair all she wanted without feeling self-conscious about it. Talking at the air shouldn't make her feel nervous enough to fiddle anyway, but here she was.

"I have no idea how to get this to you. You didn't exactly leave a forwarding address. I got your letter. And I'm really glad you're still out there. I'm glad for that, and I'm glad you and Henry are on this whole mission. You know the one." She was not going to talk about it in any less vague detail than that unless she was absolutely sure it was safe to. Even in her own quarters, she wasn't sure. "I'm trying not to jump at shadows, but the Captain gave a pretty convincing argument not to set myself up for a downfall with the kind of people we're up against. And after Harlan, or Cix, or whatever his name is, maybe she's right."

Raqiin sighed audibly, bringing her foot up to sit crosslegged, rubbing at her regrown foot. "Whatever happens, I know it's at least partially my fault. Maybe Captain Sumner would've done something anyway. Maybe if you had stayed, you might have, and maybe if Henry had been here, something different would've happened. But I know my part in this. And I hate that something might happen to you, and to him, and to the captain, protecting me from the fallout.

"I've been thinking a lot about something Henry said to me before leaving, about how Starfleet will eventually wear you down, I won't go into detail, but you know Henry and how he is. I'm starting to see what he meant, but... Listen, I'm still young. I was only a cadet a few years ago, remember that? Stumbling in, staring at transporter pads, drugging myself up to talk to extra-dimensional beings... Sometimes it feels like longer. Things have happened that have shaken me. And now there's this. But it doesn't make me give up hope, Tony. It makes me want to work harder. It makes me want to make sure that what we do has meaning, and that we make things better for the future. That we do our best to make Starfleet and the Federation, and the whole galaxy, just a little bit better, for ourselves and for the next generation. Maybe in a couple more years I'll change my mind. Maybe I'll get tired and bitter. I hope not.

"Just... Computer, pause."

The computer beeped in acknowledgement, and Raqiin curled further into herself, arms around her legs and chin propped on her knees. Closed her eyes. Breathed. It was far from meditation, but she didn't want to start being a blubbering mess in the middle of the letter, and she didn't want to stop in case she lost the momentum. She just needed to breathe first.

"Computer, resume."

Beep.

"It's just that you left. You didn't say anything to anyone, or at least not to any of the rest of us. Not even goodbye. I don't know what it was that made you go; I didn't ask. All I can think is that it must've hit hard, and it must've been personal. I'm not looking for answers--I mean, I'll always wonder, but I'm not gonna interrogate you or anyone you might've told. It's your business. But we were pretty vulnerable. And you didn't say anything. I had to hear it from Oleg, and he was just as baffled. I was going to tear the ship apart looking for you, and it hurt us. I won't lie and pretend like it didn't. Mac's doing as well as she can, and she's better than she thinks she is, I'm sure. We're coping, but... I get that you need time. I'm just worried that thinking you'll eventually come back is going to turn into you never coming back, whether it's because you're sick of Starfleet like Henry, or because something happens to you...and I wish you had just said something. You sounded...you sounded good, in your letter. And I hope you are. Good, I mean. The captain said her brother's happy, and even though he was distracted, Henry seemed--

"I just...hope for the best for you, and if the best means not coming back, then okay. Drop us all a line when it's safe. When you're not afraid of being found. I don't want the last thing I hear from you to be you wishing you'd been here when it happened and promising you'll be back someday. I haven't really talked it out with anyone yet. There's, um, this nurse I hang out with who is kind of the closest thing I get to therapy, and she doesn't push, because she's my friend. And I know I deflect, and I ignore it, and it's not the same as what happened to you. Not anywhere near. I practically bounced right back, but sometime I dream about it. That they couldn't save either of my legs, and I have to do something, something really important, and I have to crawl, and I never get any closer."

She huffed out a quiet laugh. "Great, I'm trying to do self-psychoanalysis talking my dreams out to an invisible friend in a letter I'll never send. Anyway. I guess if I can talk to anyone about it, it'll be you. I've never had anything like that happen before. And the fallout wasn't pretty. And I ruined my dress. And sometimes I wonder what would've happened if I didn't reverse what the Su did to me and I'd stayed two people? Would one of me have still lost something, or would we--ugh, nevermind that. Computer, erase previous two sentences."

Deleting.

"I'm trying to be okay. Everyone's trying to be okay. We've all had it really, really hard, Tony, and I'm not excluding you in that. You're not an empath--not as far as I know, anyway--so sometimes I forget how hard it is for people without to read others. Captain's trying her best; you should see her. Every time something's about to break her down, I swear she comes back with more determination. I think she...loses a little something of herself, but she comes back, every time. I can't imagine being a captain. I'll never get there, and honestly, I don't want to. I couldn't make some of those decisions. And that's not a lack of self-confidence; I know I couldn't.

"And I...I'm rambling. If you come back... And I know it's 'if', Tony. I'm not that much of an idealistic fool to not realize it's an 'if' at this point. If you come back, you and me, we need to sit down and talk, with drinks. I don't even care what about. I'll even let you do all the talking. And you'll kick engineering back into shape, give Mac a break, give Oleg some peace of mind, meet the new guy. And you'll fight with our one tactical officer over the affections of all the ladies around you boys. We'll get back to good if you come back. If you don't...just...be good to yourself. And if anything happens, I'm sorry. I wouldn't take any of it back, and I just don't have the skills to do what you can hopefully do, but I'm sorry all the same.

"I..." She trailed off, tired, spent, the futility of the message weighing on her. "Computer, save and archive message."

It wasn't like she had anywhere to send it to.
CSO Lt Raqiin sh'Hruvek - USS Bremen NCC-12428
XO LtCmdr Vikram Baudin - USS Sentinel NCC-79088 / S.T.A.R. Taskforce Sigma

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Re: CSO Lt Raqiin sh'Hruvek

Postby Einar S » Sun Oct 30, 2016 8:14 pm

oh my fucking god Shawna.....that was beautiful. I am at a loss for words.
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Re: CSO Lt Raqiin sh'Hruvek

Postby Aoibhe Ni » Sun Oct 30, 2016 8:26 pm

Oh my god, I devoured every word of that.
Shawna, that's one for your Greatest Hits collection, for sure.

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Re: CSO Lt Raqiin sh'Hruvek

Postby C. J. Short » Thu Nov 03, 2016 10:01 pm

Captain's trying her best; you should see her. Every time something's about to break her down, I swear she comes back with more determination. I think she...loses a little something of herself, but she comes back, every time.


I'm not crying, you're crying! D:
"As long as I have a want, I have a reason for living. Satisfaction is death." - George Bernard Shaw, Overruled

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Re: CSO Lt Raqiin sh'Hruvek

Postby Shawna F » Tue Nov 22, 2016 4:33 am

Stardate 11611.24

She hasn't actually had to deal with a situation like this before, popping into the mess for a quick bite, the mess that's been gender segregated for the sake of their guests.

Unlike the captain, distracted and bothered as she is--threatening a diplomatic incident, no less, even if unintentional--Raqiin takes no issue with it. It's not up to any one of them to say that a peoples' way of life is wrong or backward, and as they are to accommodate the princess and her retinue, they are to make them as comfortable as possible. If anyone has a problem with being slightly put off or inconvenienced for the sake of polite diplomacy, well, maybe they shouldn't be working out in space, just saying.

So it's not that that's the issue. No, the issue is...trying to figure out where to sit.

Humans, Riani, and many species in the Federation tend to have a biological binary, with exceptions. And certainly the social perceptions of gender aren't always a binary, either. It's a fascinating subject, the different number of sexes in a species, thereby dictating reproduction. For the sake of those with a limited number of pronouns, Andorians and Aenar have two genders that align with a male pronoun, and two that align with a female pronoun. But that's only because of what humans might perceive as secondary sexual characteristics. Body shapes, put simply. The masculine thaan and chan, the feminine zhen and shen. For dealing with binary-gendered people, the pronouns fit, and are generally accepted.

At the end of the day, however, the fact of the matter is that there is no binary for her. She is not merely female; she is shen. It's an interesting dilemma, but an inconvenient one to have when she'd really like to get back on duty ASAP and not stand around like some child hoping for someone to offer her a seat.

(She stamps it down almost immediately, but there is a moment when she considers her experiences of being split by the Su, the memories she has of being a chan, a different way of thinking as pure Andorian, an altered voice, a differently arranged physiology.)

Perhaps it might put off some of her binary female friends, or confuse them, but she eventually chooses the thankfully set up third option of the room for those who don't subscribe to a binary, whether personal choice, cultural, or biologically. It's not as though she'll be alone on that side of the room, and in a way, it feels good. Some wonder if the Federation is, at times, too human-centric, as people have wondered from its inception. Starfleet ships are as diverse as the planets in the Federation, but there sometimes feels like a distinctly human skew to the crew. Perhaps it's just a consequence of the Academy being on Earth. Maybe if she took a look at the composition of ship crews, the numbers would balance out. But if she thinks about it, she sticks by her guesstimate of a human majority. It's easy to forget sometimes the differences in cultures, the missed phrases, the untranslated words. (Why do humans have so many colorful metaphors and analogies involving animals?)

So to see starkly the binary she is sorted into, one she nearly never has to think about, and to reject it? To embrace what about her she knows to be true, to embrace the alien side of her? It feels good. She's been given the option to declare herself female or declare herself shen. Though many may see this separation as unfortunate, she will, as ever, look to the sunnier side of the decision.

That she is still 'female' enough to pass as far as the Riani are concerned so that she may be allowed to talk with them and learn from them is definitely an added bonus, though.
CSO Lt Raqiin sh'Hruvek - USS Bremen NCC-12428
XO LtCmdr Vikram Baudin - USS Sentinel NCC-79088 / S.T.A.R. Taskforce Sigma

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Re: CSO Lt Raqiin sh'Hruvek

Postby Aoibhe Ni » Tue Nov 22, 2016 5:50 pm

I was hoping for a log juuuust like this, Shawna. Gender politics, examined from a alien perspective. :D
Raq continues to grow and mature. I love it!

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Re: CSO Lt Raqiin sh'Hruvek

Postby Einar S » Tue Nov 22, 2016 7:44 pm

haha that log was so Raq. SO RAQ.

I loved it :)
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Re: CSO Lt Raqiin sh'Hruvek

Postby Aoibhe Ni » Tue Nov 22, 2016 8:46 pm

Einar S wrote:haha that log was so Raq. SO RAQ.

I loved it :)


"So Raq" needs to become a thing.
Like "on fleek", or "so fetch".

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